|Red Hot Chili Peppers|
In the first of what’s likely to become a regular feature, we at The Cold Ghetto have compiled a list of what we feel are the 10 most overrated bands of all time. Myself (AE), Ashley (AG) and Steve (SH) each nominated the bands we felt most deserving of the title and then sat around a table and trashed out the definitive order. I can imagine you all standing around your water-coolers, or wherever people congregate where you work, endlessly debating where we’ve gone wrong. Well, simply put, tell us.
Here they are from ten to one: -
10. Red Hot Chilli Peppers: SH - They were always kind of overrated even when they were good (by their standards) now they’re almost as embarrassing as Status Quo. AE - I actually quite liked them when I was 17 and, frankly, it’s probably quite okay to like them at that age. However, once you’re no longer a teenager you should stop listening to them and grow up. My other problem is that it’s just constant, why can’t they fuck off for a few years? And that’s another thing, when are they going to grow up and stop being a bunch of twats. They look like a bunch of fortysomething Jackass veterans. They’re going to end up being as embarrassing as the Rolling Stones, just without the back catalogue. Quality not quantity!
9. Muse: AG - You think you're good enough to play in space? Grow up. SH - Album one: got dumped by a girl, end every track with two minutes of guitar feedback. Album two, went to space, end every track with two minutes of guitar feedback. Album three: had some sort of alien probe inserted, end every track with two minutes of guitar feedback. Album four: more of the same, including the guitar feedback. Album five: I can see why she dumped you now you whiney prick, shut up, end every track with two minutes of guitar feedback. AE – Yes, the first album had some good moments, there was even a good track on the second album. Now it’s just been a decade of endless rubbish noise… fuck right off!
|U2, for fuck sake, don't name a street after them!|
8. U2: SH - They've been getting steadily and steadily worse for thirty years and Bono is as annoying a man as there is on the planet. AE – So very true. The early output, up to the mid-80’s still stands up and is pretty good. However, that’s where it ends, Rattle & Hum was an embarrassment for all involved and just a total wank of a vanity project. Look at us we’re on top of a building! Do me a favour.
7. The Beatles: AG - It was 40 years ago, do we really still care? AE – Unfortunately it would seem that some people very much do. What’s that album McCartney released a few weeks ago? If there’s any justice in the world they’ll stop using Robbie Williams’ Rudebox for rtoad-surfacing in
and use Kisses on the Bottom instead. Not that Rudebox is good… fuck no, it’s criminal, it’s just not as bad. SH - Music pioneers or shit pedlars? It depends on who you ask really, but if there was a pie chart that showed who was in which group the big bit of cheese would be in the musical pioneers camp and the tiny sliver that looked like a crack in a paving slab would be for the shit pedlars, that doesn’t make those people wrong. China
6. Razorlight: SH - There has never been a band with a front man whose ego is so far removed from his actual talent level, even Bono. AE – Indeed, they’re a special kind of bland. I didn’t actually realise that anyone rated them but there you go. The best thing they ever did was a very brief appearance in the first episode of the second series of The Mighty Boosh.
5. Led Zeppelin: AE – It’s just endless guitar wanking and there’s never any need for that. All of their songs are about eight minutes too long, except Immigrant Song which is quite good. SH – Yep, I’ve never really seen the point. You remember Run Around with Mike Read? Well, if they did that thing where you had to pick a circle to stand in, and the question was which band do you prefer from the 70s, Led Zeppelin or Kraftwerk? I’m heading straight for the Kraftwerk circle, and unfortunately I’d have a lot of room in there.
4. Pink Floyd: AG - Ooh posh boys did drugs and made weird music. So what! AE – I thought their occasional commercial output was okay but unfortunately it was all too rare. They instead chose to make some dreary noise, like Druids humming in a sewer. SH - Nine minutes of dull guitar cranking, no thanks. I think Ashley said it best, so what?
3. Dire Straits: AE - well, very much in the Led Zeppelin mode, a lot of wanking guitar solos. Knopfler has the most annoying voice in softwankrock and he can’t do anything with it, which makes every song sound the same. SH - If (probably when) I go to Hell they’ll be playing Dire Straits on an endless loop.
2. Oasis: SH - If there's one thing worse than the Beatles then it's a Beatles tribute act with several angry, scowling Mancunians in it. AE – They made one song and then repeated it endlessly, well, until they fell out. Apart from that they ripped off T-Rex and some Beatles records which seems like an utterly pointless pursuit. I get T-Rex mixed up with Boney M, I’d have much rather seen Oasis base their entire catalogue around a cover version Brown Girl in the Ring.
|Utter crud! Queen|
1. Queen: AE – They’re just dreadful, they’re like a caricature of a real rock band. The Wayne’s World scene with Bohemian Rhapsody sums them up entirely, that’s what Queen are, an awful pop band just put on Earth to be ridiculed. Do you want more proof? Look at Bryan May’s hair! It might have been okay in the 70’s and passable in the 80’s but times have changed get a fucking haircut that reflects your age and the age you live in. I will point out at this juncture though that I like what Mr May has done for animal rights, especially in arguing against Fox Hunting, but I still hate Queen. Middle-class drivel, only suitable for
Rugby tours. SH – They’re the musical equivalent of being trapped in a broken lift with a hyperactive child with a kazoo, only more puffed up and twatty.
So, there you have it, I can tell you that Coldplay and The Libertines were unlucky to have narrowly missed out but I’m happy that we’ve provided definitive proof that Queen are the most overrated band of all time. You may disagree, by all means, but you’d be wrong to do so. Even still, we’re prepared to hear you out. Let us know your thoughts on who should/shouldn’t be on the list.