Friday, 17 February 2012

The 8 Words of Ash – Buy One Get Six Free!

So it would seem that Ashley and some of his girlfriends had a big slumber party where they ate marshmallows, braided each other’s hair, talked about boys and watched some movies. Once Ashley had washed the scent of JLS out of his duvet he got round to thinking about the movie marathon he and his girlfriends chose to pass away the hours, here’s what he made of it all.

Revolutionary Road - Revolutionary rubbish! Good Director + Cast, but nothing happens! 



Point Break - Not as good as I’d been told :-l Oh . . .



The Pacifier - Funny family stuff, Diesel in Disney is great! 



George of the Jungle - Clearly a classic, but where is he now?!

National Treasure: Book Of Secrets - Good adventure, addition of his parents adds fun!

Enemy of the State - Absolutely-Boring-Completely-Dull. Didn't care what happened.

Heavenly Creatures - Strange stuff from Jackson, no point but alright . . .

Of these seven movies I’ve seen two of them, Enemy of the State and Point Break, they’re both decent movies. Swayze may not reach the peak of his Roadhouse powers in Point Break but then again he is trying to carry a very wooden Keanu Reeves and we all know how hard it is trying to stop a Georgian tallboy falling off a surfboard.

Swayze plays a free-spirited, bank robbing surfer dude in Point Break, with Reeves playing the undercover agent sent to infiltrate his gang and bring the Swayz to justice. It's nothing staggering, but it’s fairly enjoyable fun. You don’t need to go out and buy the thing (which is why I haven’t bothered going and getting you the details) because it’s on telly regularly enough and if you have a spare couple of hours and there’s nothing much else on you could do worse.

Enemy of the State is a Will Smith action vehicle, it’s sort of a loose follow up to a 70’s movie called The Conversation which stars a curiously mustachioed Gene Hackman. Hackman, who just might be my favourite 70’s hard man cop acting tough guy, as a covert CIA agent who specialises in bugging and other clandestine activities. Lo and behold he pops up here 25 years later as well, this time playing an ex-CIA agent gone rogue who’s disgruntled at the way the CIA system works.

Cutting to the chase, Will Smith, ordinary citizen, married with kids, successful lawyer, pretty ex-girlfriend (played by Lisa Bonet, who was one of Cliff Huxtable’s kids in the Cosby Show and who just happens to be very attractive), through a series of unfortunate events involving a film of a murder by a CIA chief, played by John Voight, who’s the top guy you get in to play a bad guy in a movie these days now that Lee Van Cleef and Max Von Sydow are dead and if Christopher Walken or James Woods aren’t available, which leads to the CIA chasing Smith all over the shop, bugging him up the ass and making his life a misery. That is until he bumps into Hackman, and then the two have to dodge the long arm of the CIA and all of its satellites and bugs and computers and other such hi-tech spy shit, using not much more than the wily, old Hackman’s insider experience, Smiths’ ability to inject a witty one-liner into a scene and a cat.

I thought it was all quite a lot of fun and there wasn’t a huge amount wrong with it. Smith’s been in better movies, Bad Boys for instance and Hackman certainly has, he’s Lex Luther for fuck sake! But, compared to some of the horseshit movies that Smith has churned out of late, I-Robot, Hancock and I Am Legend spring to mind, it’s fucking Oscar nominating stuff.

Again it’s not really worth going and finding on DVD because it’s part of ITV2’s never ending carousel of about 20 movies that they show about once a frigging month, so just sit and wait and it’ll probably be on again before the end of March and then a further four or five times this year.

As for the rest you’re just going to have to take Ashley’s word for how good or bad they are, although seeing as he used an emoticon in a review I’d be very skeptical about anything he thinks ever again, he might as well have fucking lolled.

I’d be fucked in a staggered position if any of the other five movies he reviewed weren’t available on Amazon for under a fiver, if they’re more than that then they’re way over valued.

Good day sir.

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